The Kind of Man I Want To Be…

   I was having drinks with some friends this evening, when one portion of the conversation triggered quite an elaborate internal dialogue with my various selves, which made me wonder; just what sort of a man do I want to be?

   Now that the (academic) year is coming to a close, I have to admit that joining SPARC had prompted me to do a lot of things that I would never do before; clubbing, smoking, playing hooky, mentally undressing my more attractive female friends (hey, I’m sorry about that, but I’m a normal guy, the meeting is *incredibly* boring, and at any rate you probably shouldn’t wear such low-cut shirt :p ), pool parties… it’s a departure from what I would expect of myself.

   I’m not saying that I regret any of these things (well all right, I do regret blowing nearly a hundred bucks to make my best friend drunk… man, what the hell was I thinking?), but it does trigger some degree of soul-searching; at the end of the day, can I reflect back on what I did, and be proud of who I am?

   Well, if it’s any comfort, I think a person should change with time and interaction with others; you should always be mutable and adaptable. A few months ago, I wouldn’t dance in public for money; nowadays, I am constantly looking for an opportunity to just let loose (see post below), although admittedly the lack of transportation is making it VERY hard; there are no clubs or festivals or whatnot within walking radius of MMU. I’m a little bit more open and assertive, and I can only foresee good things coming out of these changes.

   Of course, there are bad habits developing too; I can’t help but think that I’m turning a little bit diva-ish… no, it’s not that I demand back rubs and caviar every day, it’s just that with assertiveness comes also stubbornness. I just hope I won’t descend to the level of a “bitch”. That would truly suck. But I have to admit that I’ve became a little bit petty these days, and I really pity my best friend who oftentimes becomes my punching bag.

“She Makes a Man Wants To Speak Spanish…”

Things I want to do before I die, item #001 :

Participate in a carnival. And by that, I mean the street processions in Brazil where the crowd don masks(?) or whatnot and just go crazy dancing and stuff

   I always pooh-poohed the music video back when it was popular (during the last World Cup), but I gotta say, Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie is really infectious. And something about the air of a carnival makes me feel so envious. The participants, they look like they’re having so much fun, gallivanting around in the celebration of being alive.

   This is so much different than a club scene, which by comparison looks so mechanical and decadent. So this is item #001 in my “Things To Do Before I Die” list; participate in a Brazilian carnival.

   (by the way, Shakira’s Spanish?)

Betrayal of Trust

   Right now, I’m very disappointed in someone. When you make a promise on something that is personal in nature, I fully expect BOTH parties to fulfill their obligations. To do otherwise is, as stated above, a betrayal of trust.

   You know who you are. I only have this to say; you don’t have to do your part of the bargain. I’m not angry. Deeply disappointed, yes, but not angry. You said that my trust is “something that you’ll gladly sacrifice”? Very well then. I must say I’m very saddened by that fact, that you think so little of me, but I will not tell you how to run your life or manage your friends. But next time, don’t expect me to automatically trust you on anything.

   Oh, and fuck you. Hey, I guess I *am* angry, after all.

Hey, Life is Good…. ish

   My (sort of) nymphomaniac friend woke me up at around 11am today… apparently, she decided to re-enter the dating scene. Well, I’m really glad to hear her voice and all, but I’m also a bit annoyed that I slept so late; my assignment is due at 5pm today, so this leaves me with… what, 6 hours to actually start and finish it? I’m so boned.

   But, as it turns out, the due date has been pushed back to next week. OH YEAH BABY!!

   All in all, life is good for me. Okay, so I still haven’t got laid in this university yet, and the person I’m madly in love with kept giving me mixed signals (or maybe it’s just my top-notch delusional skills), but let me put it this way; a few days ago, I’m absolutely starving. I have no money to eat. And now, I’m munching freebie chocolate chip cookies that my good friend gave me. Sometimes, I wonder if I should be a little bit more high-maintainance… I mean, I’m positively euphoric over biscuits! Ah well…

   Oh, me and my best friend may end up talking to each other again, after all. Yay!

MMU Next Top Ambassador, part I

   By the grace of God, this event is FINALLY over. Now let the bitc… uh, I mean constructive criticism and autopsy begin! Each facet of the event will be listed in alphabetical order.

Atmosphere – it’s okay. I wish we can rent out a smoke machine, but it’s a last-minute job and there’s none available. Plus, it will cost an extra RM300. I’ve been running around pretty much most of the time, so I can’t comment much on it. B

Door Gifts – didn’t get any, so I don’t care. And I’m too lazy to ask the audience what they think.

Emcees – surprisingly, it’s Gaya and that “Will Smith” guy. Appearance-wise, they look fine, but I haven’t been paying attention (running around, etc.) so I don’t know how well they managed the event. Let me just give ‘em a B

Food – well, it’s no cuisine, that’s for sure. The menu consists of fried rice, some sort of vegetable soup, chicken curry and fried mee hoon. Personally, it’s good enough for me — I depend on bread and butter for sustenance on most days. But for a glammed up event of this magnitude, the menu is a downer. Also, the appearance of the caterer doesn’t exactly shout out, “hey, I’m a professional! Respect me! Be at awe!”. For most people, the food is probably not worth the RM25 admission fee. I wish we can use the original caterer… C-

Hospitality – nothing bad I can say about ‘em. The security team looked GOOD; Andrew looks like someone from the Mafia, and the rest of the guys played their parts with aplomb. And have I mentioned that they looked so damn good? It’s like someone took all the best-looking guys in MMU, dressed them up in suits and made them guard the entrance for us.

   Also, the ushers, WOW. They look awesome. Special mention must be made of Laura (Shea’s friend), with her absolutely STUNNING red cheongsam. She’s seriously hot, I can understand if people mistake her for one of the contestants. She looked *that* good. A

Performances – Young Hustler and V.E. Couldn’t care less. No grades given ‘coz I don’t give a crap of what they did.

Up next : some other aspects of MNTA, and my disagreements with some of the committee members.

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned…

   Ai caramba, keeping a friendship is harder than it looks on TV.

   Long story short, I sort of let something slip about my best friend to her best friend; I personally don’t think it’s a big deal, but she took it as if I’ve just killed her first-born son, razed her house to the ground and salted the earth where it once stood. So she’s pretty pissed at me.

   Obviously, I’m avoiding her right now (when someone’s angry at you, it’s often a wise move to let them cool off, right?), but it’s been what, 2 days now? *sigh* To be honest, I think our friendship is irreversibly fucked. Who thought that it could be so fragile? And over something that… well, okay, I always imagined that if something were to destroy our relationship, the event will be gravely serious, like me sleeping with her sister. But burning bridges over this…

   This is one of the reasons why life can be so interesting, but sometimes I wish this bit of my life never happened.

Thoughts of the Day #001

Some random thoughts coming out from the ‘ol brainpan:

Is it possible for a normal guy to grow up to adulthood without having a single sexual experience? Granted, finding a 20-plus virgin is still not a terribly hard task (at least not here in Malaysia), but someone at that age to never had even jacked off? ’tis an unbelievable tale, if you ask me. But if such a specimen does exist… I guess then I will have to re-think my ideas on human nature

Yoga, for all its girlishness attached to it, is actually far, far harder than you could imagine. Having to contort your body to the extreme takes a lot more effort than you would think. I’d join MMU’s yoga club, but I’m afraid it’s a women’s-only affair (sexual discrimination!). And to think that it has such a high concentration of hotties too (probably only rivaled by SPARC)…

Our society wastes too much food. I wonder what happens to all the leftovers in KFC… Don’t tell me they just throw everything out!