The Kind of Man I Want To Be…

   I was having drinks with some friends this evening, when one portion of the conversation triggered quite an elaborate internal dialogue with my various selves, which made me wonder; just what sort of a man do I want to be?

   Now that the (academic) year is coming to a close, I have to admit that joining SPARC had prompted me to do a lot of things that I would never do before; clubbing, smoking, playing hooky, mentally undressing my more attractive female friends (hey, I’m sorry about that, but I’m a normal guy, the meeting is *incredibly* boring, and at any rate you probably shouldn’t wear such low-cut shirt :p ), pool parties… it’s a departure from what I would expect of myself.

   I’m not saying that I regret any of these things (well all right, I do regret blowing nearly a hundred bucks to make my best friend drunk… man, what the hell was I thinking?), but it does trigger some degree of soul-searching; at the end of the day, can I reflect back on what I did, and be proud of who I am?

   Well, if it’s any comfort, I think a person should change with time and interaction with others; you should always be mutable and adaptable. A few months ago, I wouldn’t dance in public for money; nowadays, I am constantly looking for an opportunity to just let loose (see post below), although admittedly the lack of transportation is making it VERY hard; there are no clubs or festivals or whatnot within walking radius of MMU. I’m a little bit more open and assertive, and I can only foresee good things coming out of these changes.

   Of course, there are bad habits developing too; I can’t help but think that I’m turning a little bit diva-ish… no, it’s not that I demand back rubs and caviar every day, it’s just that with assertiveness comes also stubbornness. I just hope I won’t descend to the level of a “bitch”. That would truly suck. But I have to admit that I’ve became a little bit petty these days, and I really pity my best friend who oftentimes becomes my punching bag.